LOVE is in the air as we begin this month of February, and one obvious phenomenon is how we see ourselves in the context of love.  Now-a-days saying “I LOVE YOU” seems to be so easy and ordinary that it is as if we were just saying “HI” or “HELLO” to someone.  But the gravity of such a remark has overreaching implications.  To LOVE someone implies a strong emotional bond that goes beyond mere acquaintances to which a level of personal intimacy is formed among the individuals engaged in this loving process.  So before saying, “I LOVE YOU” to someone, one must be sure of what he or she really feels.  For it is in differentiating Love from Infatuation and Lust that a truly meaningful relationship is formed.

So are you truly in love?  Here are some questions you may ask yourself, and if your answer is NO to some of the guide questions then chances are you still not yet In-Love …

Is your relationship a journey towards self-discovery?  Summer flings are most often a result of boredom and not love.  The decision to love someone is because we feel empty (and not because we have nothing to do or for the reason that it is fashionable to be in a relationship), and that we strive to look for that special someone who would fill-in this void in us towards completeness.  But how do we find that “exceptional person” in our life if we ourselves do not know who we are and what kind of emptiness is lurking within us?  We cannot give what we do not have.  We must first to learn to love ourselves before we are able to love another person.

Is your relationship historically grounded?  To love someone means that you have shared concrete experiences together.  And that in each situation you have shared, you have grown to know each other more without any deception or fanfare.  In life, we would constantly wear “masks” with the hope of pleasing the person of our affection, only to discover in the end that we have lost a sense of who we are.  And that is not Love!  When someone loves you, that love completes who you are and not rob you of your identity.  Reveal your true self, and if that person truly loves you, he or she will accept you for who you truly are! 

Is your relationship creative?  In fairy tales, we see the profound transformation of the people engaged in the loving process.  When the princess kissed the frog, the frog turned into a handsome prince and not a tadpole. While in Sleeping Beauty, when prince kissed the princess she was suddenly waken from her sleep and not led to a coma.  These stories tell us that true love makes us better persons.  True loves brings out the best in us, and together with the one you love grow to the fullness of your potentials.   So sharing the company of a person that draws only “the darkness” in you is waking-up to the reality that you are never in love.

Is your relationship unconditional?  When you love someone you don’t say … I LOVE YOU IF … or I LOVE YOU BECAUSE … but you say, I LOVE YOU DESPITE OF.  Love isn’t conditional.  You don’t love someone because of a predetermined set of circumstances but you love someone simply because you have accepted him or her despite of his or her imperfections and idiosyncrasies.  And through the loving process each of us have pledged to support each other to help overcome personal weaknesses, and to share our life together in sickness and health, richer and poorer, until the end of our lives. 

Is your relationship sacred and eternal?  God must be at the center of all our loving encounters.  For God did not only teach us how to love but he himself is the epitome of love.  And in entrusting to God our loving process (together with all the people we have chosen to love), we enable his divine guidance and grace to direct our loving encounters to his heavenly will.   The commitment we share with person we love is thus strengthened and blessed by God to bear fruit.  In God, Love knows no boundaries.  The transcendence of love beyond “time and space” is made possible through God who journeys with us and with the ones we love. 

In the end, only fools rush into love.  True love is a process for it enables us to travel with another individual towards a shared personhood.  It is a commitment to share oneself not only to complete one’s being but the persona of another as well.  Linear equation teaches us that 1 + 1 = 2 but in love 1 + 1 = 1.  And it is only in understanding this great equation of love that can we begin to say to another … I LOVE YOU! 

For any personal comments or suggestions you may call 0917-4805585 or email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .